Yesterday I protested with Extinction Rebellion and yelled up at the cold façade of the Brazilian embassy hoping someone would hear me. The day before that I wanted to write a hot post on Instagram - something that would get me lots of those red, heart-shaped dopamine hits - something like 'FUCK YOU BOLSONARO'. Today, I really wanted to punch a fascist. I am angry. I am grieving.
I'm not alone in my grief and despair. It's tempting to take that energy and ball it up into a fist. But I can't hold that first for long - especially when I zoom out and look at the bigger picture. They have the tanks, the guns, the budget, the surveillance, the data, the man-power, the petroleum. They have the fear. 'They' - the farmers, the politicians, the miners, the security guards - they're like us - just people chasing their beliefs like carrots on sticks while satisfying their needs. There is nobody to blame here, really. I mean, fuck Bolsonaro. And...it's not Bolsonaro's fault, or Trump's fault...they are just small men set into action to satisfy the needs of our rapacious endless-growth, cancerous systems of development and glory. It's so much bigger, older and deeper than any one of us can see.
The real work we have set out before us is simple. It's going to be in the way we react to this devastation and despair. The work is going to be in seeing how we reach out to our loved ones - how we come together, donating to these small organizations and supporting the rebirth of something new. The work is going to be in how we demonstrate our love for this beautiful life - how we affirm our desire as living organisms to have a thriving, interconnected global ecosystem guided by principals of cooperation, patience, and stewardship for the animals and plants, the forests and the waters. The work here is going to be in the small steps we take in the face of our own fear, our own cynicism, our own complacency and our own anger. The real work is in holding up the light - declaring our love for this experience with every glucosey gesture we are gifted in this life.